Have you ever experienced mom burnout?
You know, feeling like you’re stretched too thin, drowning in diaper changes,
and an infinite to-do list has you beyond over it…
mental health and motherhood
Have you ever experienced mom burnout?
You know, feeling like you’re stretched too thin, drowning in diaper changes,
and an infinite to-do list has you beyond over it…
Parenting styles are kind of a big deal.
Your parenting style influences everything from your child’s day-to-day behavior to their self-esteem and success in adult life.
How the world sees your kids seems to reflect your worth as a parent or even as a person. You are responsible for releasing a competent and kind human into the world,
AND
you didn’t even get an instruction manual.
The stakes are pretty high, all things considered.
You want to be a good parent, but what does that mean exactly?
Read more: Parenting Styles Ultimate Guide: How to Raise Happy People in 2023Knowing your parenting style empowers you to use your instincts and skills to support your parenting goals.
Calibrate your parenting practices by understanding the strengths and risks of each style.
Whether you’re struggling as a parent and want to learn more, or are curious how your parenting style aligns with what’s “normal”,
here’s everything you need to know about the wide world of parenting styles.
Parenting is a lot like herding cats: chaotic, tiring, often hilarious-
And one way or another, you’re gonna find techniques to get the job done.
Parenting style is a general idea or overall approach to cat herding, I mean, parenting based on levels of support and demandingness.
Support, or responsiveness, is the degree of parent-to-child acceptance, affection, & warmth.
Demandingness (it turns out this is a word) is the degree a parent controls a child’s behavior.
Your attitude about your children and the philosophies that guide parenting decisions create an emotional climate. A vibe, if you will.
This emotional climate is your parenting style.
On the other hand, practices would be how the parents apply the styles. Specifically- discipline style, communication, nurturance, and expectations.
Diana Baumrind was a 1960’s developmental psychologist who conducted studies on over 100 preschool-aged kids. Observation, parent interviews, and other research methods led her to the theory that different parenting styles can lead to divergent development and outcomes.
She categorized parents into three primary styles- Authoritarian, Authoritative, and Permissive.
Researchers Maccoby and Martin expanded on Baumrind’s research adding Uninvolved as a parenting style to the mix in 1983.
The Baumrind parenting styles are the 4 parenting styles used in psychology today.
The Authoritarian parenting style is strict.
This parent expects their children to obey orders without question and typically rely on punishment (or threat) to control their kids. They rule with an iron fist and aren’t willing to engage in discussions about rules or accept children’s feedback. Authoritarian parents believe this parenting style will produce children who are high achievers, very capable, and successful in life.
These parents are “obedience -and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation.”
This parent is lenient, nurturing and communicative, often taking on a friend role rather than a parent. Permissive parents are warm and responsive and may have some rules but are reluctant to enforce them. They lack structure, consistency, and limits.
Permissive parents “are more responsive than they are demanding. They are non-traditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation.”
Brandi at Chicken Scratch Diaries highlights some of the struggles that come with overindulgent parenting: https://www.chickenscratchdiaries.com/overindulgent-parenting/
The authoritative parenting style is mutually respectful.
This parent encourages kids to be responsible, to think for themselves, and to consider the reason for rules. They offer clear limits and consequences but are still willing to respect children’s feelings.
These parents “monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative.”
Positive reinforcement, an authoritative parenting practice, leads to both happier kids and parents: https://www.momjunction.com/articles/positive-reinforcement-types-benefits-examples_00828768/
The uninvolved parenting style is harmful.
This parent may fill a child’s basic survival needs but is very detached. In extreme cases, uninvolved parents reject or neglect the needs of their children. They make few demands and offer little in the way of guidance, structure, rules, or even support.
Uninvolved parents’ neglect is not always intentional. A parent with mental health issues or substance abuse problems may not be able to care consistently for a child’s physical or emotional needs.
A helicopter parenting style looks like literally or figuratively hovering over the child, much like a helicopter. They’re excessively involved in their kids’ academics or social life to the point where they are over-bearing.
Attachment parenting, coined by Dr. William Sears, refers to being physically and emotionally in tune with your child from birth and aims to create a secure bond between parent and baby.
Famously associated with eastern cultures, Tiger parenting is an extreme authoritarian style with high expectations for obedience, diligence, and results.
Free-range parents encourage their children to spread their wings and fly from a young age. They believe in learning through natural consequences within reasonable and safe limits.
This hands-off approach may surprise some, but for these parents, it’s about trust and belief in their child’s ability to navigate the world independently.
Gentle parenting relies on empathy, respect, and a calm approach to enforcing boundaries.
Looks to eliminate hectic, varied schedules in favor of a simplified, decluttered life.
This parenting style aims to raise kids without enforcing traditional gender roles.
These parents are self-centered and highly possessive of their children, seeing their budding independence as a threat.
Toxic parenting is a form of neglect that creates a hostile home environment. These parents treat parenting as a low priority and put their own needs first.
Often causes depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts or actions, physical and mental trauma, PTSD, anger issues, and instability due to legal problems or removal to foster care.
Parents matter, but it’s impossible to measure the exact impact.
A child’s genetics and temperament, cultural and religious backgrounds, peer relationships, teachers, and socioeconomic environment all shape a person.
Genetics and temperament can shape the way we respond to our children, too.
Sensitive and excitable kids may be perceived as more challenging, influencing parents to lean more authoritarian. Or they feel helpless and give up trying to enforce standards, resulting in a permissive parent.
The Baumrind parenting style scheme is helpful, but like any attempt to categorize humans, parenting style psychology theory has some limitations.
The original families Baumrind surveyed reflected parenting styles in America,
and primarily white, middle-class Americans, which obviosuly doesn’t encompass the entire parenthood experience.
Can’t argue with the data.
Studies consistently show that authoritative parenting consistently leads to positive parent-child relationships, fewer mental health symptoms, and more socially competent humans.
Even within cross-cultural contexts, warm and responsive parenting raises happy, balanced children.
Parenting is not an all-or-nothing proposition, though.
Realistically, your parenting style is part of a continuum
You may have to parent using tactics from differing styles, depending on your child’s and your own needs. Sometimes you must flex and adjust your approach, even within the same day.
Emotional well-being should always precede preconceived notions about what “kind” of parent you are supposed to be.
It’s okay to have some permissive days or emphasize strictness on others, but if your parenting batting average generally ranks authoritative, you are on the right track.
What Matters- Raise Kids You Can Be Proud Of
You’re pretty much a parenting style expert at this point, and it’s time to put your know-how into practice.
So what’s next?
You have a pretty good idea now of what you’re doing well and what parenting styles you want to avoid.
This awareness helps you intentionally calibrate your style to have the most positive impact along your parenthood journey.
Your parenting style empowers you to transform the emotional climate of your home for the better.
We haven’t discovered the perfect mom or dad (yet), but a balance of healthy, positive boundaries will set you and your kids up for success, now and in the future.
You’re never quite “done” being a parent, but the influence of your parenting style does wane-
before you know it, your little one will be all grown up
(cue the happy tears!).
When you see the incredible person you’ve raised – someone happy, responsible, and confident- you can trust that your parenting style made all the difference.
“When you’re in a Slump,
you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.”-Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go
Nobody likes a funk.
The weird, cloud-dreary feeling that just kinds ruins your day and leaves you feeling in a slump.
You know the vibe: a very off day, where you just aren’t feeling like yourself.
Feeling…Blah. Blegh. Meh.
Best described in words that are not words.
I’m no stranger to The Funk, and this post was inspired by my most recent slumpy day. It’s difficult to figure out how to get out of a funk when you’re in one, so this list has some ideas for un-slumping myself to refer back to.
I’ve found these funky days are farther and fewer between now that I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve to combat the depressive mood that can creep its way into an unsuspecting day.
Read moreIf you’re going to get a new tattoo, you either:
OR
There is no inbetween. Somehow I am both.
I got a new tattoo this summer, one I deliberated over for quite some time.
Read more[As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. This helps me keep my site running!]
Ever had a family bucket list?
Without school as an anchor to guide our days, I find it’s easier to just turn on Netflix and let the kids binge.
TV and iPad time for the kids is all fine and dandy sometimes, but too many days in a row of nothing to do and we all get stir crazy and a little cranky.
I freaking LOVE a good list.
I’m talking a real, genu-ine piece of paper and Pilot G2 0.7mm Retractable Gel Ball Pen.
Just about everyday, I’d start to think about what needs to get done.
I’d make a list,
with all 780 things that I must accomplish,
then I look at it, and think “Holy heck, where do I even begin???”
I proceed to be completely overwhelmed and do absolutely nothing.
You ever struggle to get your to do list done?
Procrastination often comes from anxiety.
Anxiety is often feeling out of control,
and I definitely felt out of control over my overwhelming lists.
Regaining control of your day (or week or year)
reduces stress and makes the stuff you gotta do feel way more manageable.
Here’s what changed and how I get stuff done:
Read more